Just watching the MTV, and Madonna comes on and reminded me of something that kind of irks me. Back in the 80's Madonna was the biggest thing ever. Early 30's girls still won't shutup about how great Madonna is. Anyways the woman is always reinventing herself. A few years ago she was gothed out in black hair singing depressing shit, now she's blonde again and doing pop dance music. Shit, I saw her on David Letterman sporting a guitar a few years ago. The musician learned to play the G chord. Big whoop. Young people don't care about her. At least I don't think they do. I'm not really in the young culture defining group anymore. I'll have to ask Tamra. Anyways I use this great 80's "artist," to contrast to the truly great Micheal Jackson. Poor guy has been ruined because humanity can't stand greatness. The guy is the Galileo of Pop. Anyways, MJ comes out with a new record few years ago, and his shit hasn't changed. He's still using the same tricks he used in the 80's. My point is that he is the King of Pop. He doesn't redefine himself because he's the fucking KING. I love 80's pop, and KOP is the only one who keeps delivering. I wouldn't mind if Phil Collins came out with another "I can't Dance." Alas, it will never happen.

I LOVE YOU MICHEAL! AAAHHH!

Poker is a crazy game with crazy swings. Let me put like this, 0.5% of my showdown hands are fullhouses. I make a lot of money om my fullhouses, on average $25. In 2,000 hands, I expect 10 fullhouses for $250. God forbid that day I only get 5 fullhouses . . . easy to imagine, but that's $125 that I didn't make that day, and would usually expect to make. Fucking swings. Nothing you can do about it though.

Anyways, one other thing about poker . . . at least limit. It's a completely counter-intuitive game. Sometimes, you think you are making money but you aren't in reality. Take this for example I have AA, my opponent has JT. The flop is AK5. The turn is a 2. Giving me trips, and my villain an inside straight draw. He has 4 cards to catch it, 46 cards left in the deck, thats 4 to 42 or 1 to 10.5.'

I bet $1, he calls to see the river. The average Joe says, oh man way to go. That idiot just gave you a dollar. Here's the catch, the pot is already $10.5. If my villain could make this call for the rest of his life, he would break even. Now here's the problem. On the river, if the Queen hits, I'm betting anywhere from $2-$4. If the Queen doesn't hit, the villain is folding, so he isn't losing any more money. So I bet $1 on the turn, getting 10.5 to 1, but I'm losing $2-$4 on the river.

Of course, I win that $10.5 pot, 90% of the time. If I could play this hand, everyday the rest of my life, I would be a rich, rich man. My point is that I am not making one penny off the villain by betting on the turn. I am in fact losing money to the villain on the turn and river play! I would net more money if the guy folded on the turn every time in this pot. I am really just making money from the pot. This is why poker is counter-intuitive. The key is to play in a way to make money from both the pot and the villian. Not always possible in limit though. But say if the pot were $5, I would be making money off the pot and the villain.

I hope you learned something from this post.

Ah the beach. I love the beach, and I'm a person that's hard to satisfy. I typically can't be entertained by just one television show. I'm usually on the computer, and watching TV while scanning for something different during the commercial while eating some popcorn. I'm all about miltitasking. As a matter of fact right now i am watching Lost while writing my blog. The sad thing is, I'm still bored most of the time. I don't think I can really carry on a conversation anymore without doing something while I'm talking. This problem gets me in a lot of trouble with Heidi. I don't think she's much of a fan of having a conversation when I'm not even looking at her. All questions must be asked twice because I won't hear it the first time.

You know I blame this on poker. Poker drains you of all emotions, and all real thoughts. I spend my entire day thinking check, bet, fold, Ace, King, Queen. All fucking day long. Half the time your excited about all the money you're making and the other half the time your depressed by all the money you're losing. It's fucking madness. Anyways, I'm $500 down so far this month, I might have to quit poker, but let me tell you, if I can make it through this downswing, and start making money again, then my poker game will be a lot bettter. What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. Unfortunately, if this downswing lasts much longer, it will kill me.

Wasn't I talking about the beach? All my attention proble,s are completely gone at the beach. When I'm at the beach, five hours go by and it feels like 5 minutes, and I do nothing all day. My toughest decision is which side I want to lay down on. Hell I can spend 30 minutes just burying my feet and have fun doing it. What I would give to win the lottery and spend the rest of my life on the beach. Unfortunately, I don't really have anything to give.

Well, that's all I have to say about that. I guess you can see why I scored along with people who don't speak English on the writing portion of the MCAT. I'm just not a linear thinker, and nothing I write makes coherent sense when jumbled together.

Judo Chop

I'm going to the beach and you're not.

So I've got a bit of a dilemma on my hands reguarding my future.

Part A I love Hawaii. I love the beaches. I love the hikes. I work 4 days a week at poker. Life is about as good as it gets out here. I freaking love this place. Going to Hawaii was the best decision I ever made.

Part B I would find being a doctor to be greatly satisfying and fulfilling work. I think that as a profession, being a doctor would be a true expression of who I am. I love helping people, and I love solving problems, and knowing a subject inside and out.

Well I guess this isn't really a dilemma, as it's choosing between two great options. rather than two bad options, but nevertheless, it's two paths that I've created for myself, and I gotta choose one. AS I see it though there is one major caveat to being a doctor: the work. I'm not talking about the long hours that doctors put in. Doctors can reach a point in their career where they can setup some kind of job where they work a very reasonable schedule. It's the work of becoming a doctor that won't be fun. We're talking 4 years of school, a lot of which is useless. Second the residency. It's more of a fraternal hazing process. Doctors figure since they had to do it eveybody else should. I guess they have a system that works, either way, one thing I learned at IBM is that I don't want to work for anybody. I don't want anybody telling me what to do ever. A lot of people might see this and think how will I ever get a real job. Well, the most successful way to make money is coming up with your own ideas. AND I'M NOT GOING TO SELL OUT TO THE FUCKING MAN, again.

Goddam this blog is getting looong, and I've yet to make any kind of a freaking point. So let's re-evaluate. Spend the rest of my days in Hawaii sacrificing the ability to become a doctor. I could go to medical school in Hawaii, but then I would just be in a library in Hawaii. Or I could become a doctor sacrificing 8 years of my life, and who knows if I could find a job in Hawaii. Time for a fucking reality check with the hard truth. I'm a dreamer. I come up with an idea that really inspire me and I don't follow through with them. At some point I give up on them and wait for the next gust of wind (brain fart) to inspire me. The problem probably is that my ideas aren't really based in reality. I had an idea of what it was to be an engineer. Then after a year of working I realized that my idea was a complete fantasy. And I have to admit my idea of being a doctor is really just a fantasy. Just another brain fart. That said I was a damn good engineer, and I would be a damn good doctor.

Anyways what the fuck was my point. Well here's another gem of hard truth. I decided to come to Hawaii in case I failed to get into medical school (low confidence problem). If I got a job at a hospital, to prove to medical schools that I have a good idea of what it is to be a doctor, there is no way that I would not get into medical school. If I had more confidence I would have never stopped looking ahead towards the doctor thing, and not taken this Hawaii sabatical, and become a pro poker player. When I made the decision, I was really proud of myself for leaving IBM and going for it. Then, I spent the next six months going crazy about how I ditched a good thing, and couldn't get into medical school anyways. Then I decided to just go to Hawaii. I didn't have to worry because if I failed i would at least get to go to Hawaii. Now I realize that I would definately get into medical school, and Hawaii has openned up a completely new door that I totally want to explore.

Goddammit I haven't made a fucking point yet. (A lot of cursing in this blog. I'm not a big fan of cursing).