Dying - Warning It may be a downer

I don't know man. I think I just realized that I'm going to die, and it's freaking me the fuck out. I think, In the back of my subconcious is little bit of disillusionment for there being some kind of loop hole, like heaven. However, even if heaven does exist, I don't want anything to do with it. Seriously, what the fuck are you gonna do in heaven?

I don't know if this is something you can do in heaven, but imagine, in heaven, you could just have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want. Bam there it is. Where would the challenge be? What would it mean to have sex with that person? First you have sex with 99 chicks and Elvis. Yeah, it feels good, so you just keep right on going. 1,000 - 10,0000 - 100,000. Some point in there - sure it differs for everybody. But at some point, it's just going to lose the novelty aspect. At some point, it's just going to be sex.

Or take for example chess. A person could spend millenia mastering the game of chess. Eventually the game would be mastered. Not only that, but since you are in heaven, every other person who wants to master chess, would master chess. The scary thing is that every person who mastered chess, would ALWAYS draw against another person who mastered chess. There would never be any winner, and there would never be any loser. The real challenge in life is that chess CANNOT be mastered. In life, you have finite resources such as time and intelligence. In heaven, neither would be a deterent, and the challenge would be completely gone.

I'll argue that it's not just sex and chess. It's everything. Everything you love and strive for would just lose its spark because at some point the challenge would be gone.

So what about the other side of the story: hell. What the fuck is somebody going to do you in hell? Burn through your arm throughout all eternity. Seriously. In life, people believe that pain is some kind of horrible action that must be avoided. To an extent that's true. But pain is really just a survival mechanism. People feel pain because if an animal is biting at your legs, trying to eat you, you are going to want to know about it. And while that is happening, there is nothing more important than making it stop. If somebody tortures you for all eternity, eventually you are going to realize that you are already dead. The animal biting at your legs isn't going to kill you. And the pain has lost its all important self-sustaining purpose. Now it is just pain.

You see, the problem with heaven or hell is the eternity aspect behind it. No feeling, no knowledge, no accomplishment, no dissappointment can last for an eternity.

Ok, if heaven is not my loop hole, what about reincarnation?

So what are the rules of reincarnation. One theory is that animals are somehow moving up some kind of existence ladder. Worm < Dog < Human < Dolphin. Ok . . . But does a worm really care that its a worm. I've seen a lot of worms, and although they cringe at the sight of a hook, I don't think the worms last thoughts were "if only I had been born a Dolphin" They're fucking worms. Who gets to be reincarnated? Everyone, or just certain people. What happened to Hitler? Is he a dung beatle now? If so, it doesn't even matter because the dung beatle LOVES dung. Dung beatle is to Dung As Robbo is to Chipotle Burritos. If Two Dung Beatles had a conversation it would go like this.

Dungy "Man did you see that turd by the tree stump the other day"
Shitface "Nah man"
Dungy "Oh yeah man, it was all contaminated with berries"
Shitface "Whaa!"
Dungy "Yeah man, I was like what the fuck am I gonna do with these berries. I can't digest this Berry"
Shitface "Dungy, you're grossing me out, stop talking about berries. . . Dude, you got some shit on your lip. Let me lick that off for you."

Back on topic - Another theory is you die, and then plop out of the next woman. Ready to live your next life. And I'm fine with that theory. If it's true, so be it. And to me, it's the only good thing I can imagine. However, whatever that next life is, it's not me. I am who I am mainly due to the circumstances of my life. That next kid isn't going to have anything at all to do with who I am now.

Well usually I spend weeks on a post like this. Crafting every detail. But I'm leaving it as it is. For some odd reason, writing this one didn't bring me down. It brought me up. All this talk about eternity does bring one thing into perspective. All there is is NOW. The future. The past. They're really just constructs of our imagination. This instant. Right now is all there really is. Enjoy your poop.